Sunday, 11 November 2012

New eyes, new heart

Today I had a day off. A real day off. *insert shouts of hallelujah*. It was a day with no uni assignment due, no pressing deadlines for anything, and no cares about what I would do. I did whatever I wanted and it was awesome.

I realised today how much I take for granted. I drove my trusty moto down to the Riverfront and just acted like a tourist. I strolled along the streets, looked through shops, ate delicious things, and not once looked at my phone or watch. I was oblivious to time and stress. I felt like I was on holidays, in my own city.

So often I miss out on things because they become common and normal - I lose the wonder and joy of this place. I forget to engage with everything around me because it just becomes my natural habitat that I shut my eyes to.

Today I let the things that I see every day amaze me. Fresh eyes and a fresh heart walking into my world. I drove through the traffic and felt the warm air whisper past my face and the rays of sun strike my skin. I walked down the street and laughed at the tuktuk drivers blowing me kisses. I went into shops and giggled when the shop assistant got a shock when I spoke to her in Khmer. I sat on my moto thinking 'oh my freakin goodness I can't believe I drive in this traffic'.

I loved it. I needed it. My heart and head were refreshed. The day stretched out beautifully instead of flying by. I realised that I had hardened myself. Somehow in working in the field I do, I had switched off to so many other things in an attempt to avoid pain.

This week a beautiful friend quoted to me that some parts of us are not meant to become calloused. Today I ripped those callouses off. I felt for the street kids I encountered and my heart broke for them, but I could also share in their joy. I allowed myself to see what was around me and just be in the midst of it. I allowed myself to see. To feel. To love.